Stop Thoughts of Suicide in Their Tracks

Trigger warning: suicidal ideation and suicide attempt. Basically, consider this entire post a trigger warning.


The first time the thought of suicide ever crossed my mind was when I was 15 years old. My boyfriend at the time broke up with me, and I did not know how to cope. One thought led to another, and after school, I attempted suicide. No, I will not reveal what I did during my suicide attempt. I’m not about to give anyone any ideas. But it worried my mom and a handful of other people. I was put on an involuntary 72-hour hold at a psychiatric health facility. 


The thoughts of suicide became a recurring phenomenon throughout my adolescence and even my adulthood. It was not until I was in my thirties that I found myself able to shut down any thoughts of suicide that cross my mind. It takes a lot of thought work, but it is effective for me.


When I notice myself thinking about suicide, I ask myself “Is this an appropriate response to what is going on in my life?” Usually, my answer is “No.” 


If this does not stop the thoughts, I will ask myself “Would my suicide attempt be successful?” More likely than not, it would NOT be successful. I would end up in an involuntary hold at a psychiatric health facility. I would miss work, not get paid, and not be able to pay bills. This would lead to filing for bankruptcy and having to start over financially from scratch. If I attempt suicide, then I would end up worse off than I did when I merely had the thought of suicide.


Another thing I ask myself is “Would it really be worth putting my loved ones through so much heartache?” The year 2014 was a severely depressive year for me. I thought about suicide a lot, and I worried pretty much everyone I was close to. I do not want to put them through that emotional anguish ever again.


These three questions I ask myself when I have suicidal ideation stop my thoughts every single time. 


One Reply to “Stop Thoughts of Suicide in Their Tracks”

  1. Kitty,

    Sorry that you had to go through a suicide attempt. As someone who also has tried it, I can tell you this. It will not help you in the long run. If I had known this beforehand, I never would have attempted it.

    Life is so much better for all if you stay alive!!!

    Please get as much help as you need to quell the urge to try it again.

    Brian

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