Trigger warning: suicidal ideation and suicide attempt. Basically, consider this entire post a trigger warning.
The first time the thought of suicide ever crossed my mind was when I was 15 years old. My boyfriend at the time broke up with me, and I did not know how to cope. One thought led to another, and after school, I attempted suicide. No, I will not reveal what I did during my suicide attempt. I’m not about to give anyone any ideas. But it worried my mom and a handful of other people. I was put on an involuntary 72-hour hold at a psychiatric health facility.
The thoughts of suicide became a recurring phenomenon throughout my adolescence and even my adulthood. It was not until I was in my thirties that I found myself able to shut down any thoughts of suicide that cross my mind. It takes a lot of thought work, but it is effective for me.
When I notice myself thinking about suicide, I ask myself “Is this an appropriate response to what is going on in my life?” Usually, my answer is “No.”
If this does not stop the thoughts, I will ask myself “Would my suicide attempt be successful?” More likely than not, it would NOT be successful. I would end up in an involuntary hold at a psychiatric health facility. I would miss work, not get paid, and not be able to pay bills. This would lead to filing for bankruptcy and having to start over financially from scratch. If I attempt suicide, then I would end up worse off than I did when I merely had the thought of suicide.
Another thing I ask myself is “Would it really be worth putting my loved ones through so much heartache?” The year 2014 was a severely depressive year for me. I thought about suicide a lot, and I worried pretty much everyone I was close to. I do not want to put them through that emotional anguish ever again.
These three questions I ask myself when I have suicidal ideation stop my thoughts every single time.