I may be married to the love of my life, but I recognize the value of being single. I was single for one year before I started dating my wife. That year of being single was wonderful for me. I got to know myself, and I had a lot of fun.
I learned a lot over that year, and I made a happiness transformation that I think prepared me for my current relationship. I found “the One” when I wasn’t even trying. I have my work on myself to thank for that.
You, too, can feel happy being single, even for a long time. Here is how.
Make the most of your free time.
Being single means you don’t have to be concerned with a significant other. If you have no kids either, this is a double bonus. That means you have no one to answer to but yourself. This also means that you are well-positioned to put yourself first. Get to know yourself. Journal about what you want in life other than finding someone to date. Then, go for your goals.
While you are single, you can put your all into the time you spend with yourself. Go for a walk. Train for that marathon. Go back to school. Take up a new career. Practice developing your sense of self. Getting to know yourself is perhaps the most valuable activity you can do for yourself.
Take up a hobby.
Part of getting to know yourself is figuring out what you like. If you have been neglecting yourself, then that could be contributing to your unhappiness. Think of what you liked to do before you lost yourself, and consider picking back up that hobby. If the thought of taking up the old hobby again does not light your fire, then think of something else to do.
There are a lot of new hobbies you can take up. For instance, you can take up arts or crafts, a sport, reading, writing, doing your part to dismantle systemic racism, or growing succulents. There is a wide range of hobbies you can choose from that I did not even mention here. Someday, I will write more in-depth about hobbies you can start that you might not have thought of before.
Connect with friends.
If you were in a failed relationship before, you might have lost touch with old friends in the process of losing yourself. Call or text a friend you want to get back in touch with. So long as you did not burn your bridge with them, they will most likely want to re-light that friendship spark with you. If the old friend rejects you, do not take it personally. This old friend has some healing to do, and it has nothing to do with you.
If you have tried to reconnect with old friends and failed, then find new friends. If the hobby you chose to take up has a group element to it, then talk to people in the hobby group and see what you have in common (besides the hobby, of course). Be bold and brave, and make the first move. A lot of the time, people will be receptive to you if you are kind to them and take a genuine interest in what they are saying.
Once you have gained a person’s interest, offer up a time and place (probably on Zoom or some other video app now that we are in the middle of a pandemic) that you could meet to hang out. If they say yes, then you have the beginnings of a potentially beautiful friendship.
Connect with yourself.
Learn who you were before you lost yourself and became unhappy. If you kept a journal, then read what you wrote before in order to gain insight into who you were. You can also ask loved ones what you were like. But you will gain the most clarity if you search mostly within yourself to dig out the essence of who you are.
You might find that you are no longer that person — that you have grown. That is normal. Your sense of self will change over time, with each event you experience. Observe the transformation you made. Vow to move forward in getting to know yourself even better, and becoming your own best friend.
Learn to enjoy your own company.
This should come naturally to you if you have taken up a hobby and started connecting with yourself. But take it one step further and go on outings alone. You can even go to the movie theater alone (once the COVID-19 pandemic is over, of course). No one will judge you for going alone. In fact, it is quite fun to see a movie by yourself. You are not distracted by someone else’s company. You are more able to be in the moment if you are not tending to someone else’s need for attention.
This is a logical result of learning to enjoy your own company. You get to like yourself better, which will lead to self-love. But this all must be a consistent practice. Say some affirmations that you can really get behind. For tips on how to develop affirmations, read my blog post How to Use Affirmations With Ease.
Don’t make finding “the One” a goal.
You are doing all of this work to become happy with yourself and being single. Don’t make it about finding someone to date. If you follow these steps with the intent of finding a significant other, then it will backfire. The point is to find yourself without the pressure of finding someone else. You will achieve quicker and more effective results if you do this with the intent of being happy with yourself.
Of course, obtaining the results is not a quick process; it is a gradual transformation. But taking all of these steps and making it a consistent practice can and will produce amazing results before you know it.
Are you happy being single? Why or why not?